This Thing Called Adoption
By kyle8 Posted in Life Issues — Comments (5) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
About four years ago, in my mid-forties, I had an overwhelming desire to be a father. The desire had been there for a long time, slowly gaining strength. My wife and I had never had that as a high priority before, My wife had several medical problems and we always had a hard time with jobs and finances.
Working as I did in the oilfield, it was all up and down, several jobs I had were lost when the companies went out of business under me. But finally, after moving to Houston five years ago, we obtained some stability and some financial resources. By this time my wife, already in her forties felt she was too old to attempt a pregnancy.
So nearly four years ago we entered into the world of adoption. We still do not have a child, and the situation looks bleak. First, let me say that unless you are a millionaire jet-setter like Brad and Angelina, ADOPTION IS VERY, VERY, DIFFICULT. No, they don't make it easy.
So far we have attended classes through the state for six weeks, attended classes and obtained certificates for CPR,
Been FBI checked and fingerprinted. We had to nearly remodel our home, make it child proof, and get a new furnace so that it could be inspected by the fire marshal. Once we completed the state home study, do not think that there was any help from the state on an adoption. They were no help at all.
The state has two programs, adoption and foster care. All they are interested is foster care in order to dump children off as soon as possible. Now, we MIGHT and I repeat might have been able to get a child by now if we had signed up for foster care, but the problem is that they can send you children who are currently in a custody case. Then, once you grow attached to the child, it might be years later, a relative of the child can just come and claim them. I could not go through that.
The other problem is that you have no say about the child you will take. My wife and I were not all that picky, but we wanted a girl under the age of six. As soon as we had completed the home study a social worker called us in the middle of the night and wanted to rush a twelve year old boy over to us. This is how they operate.
Now, you have no doubt heard about all the children who need adoption, but there is less than meets the eye.
Sure, if you want to adopt a teenager, then there are plenty. But as I said we wanted a younger child, not an infant, but someone we could raise. There are also some children who have severe problems like retardation and autism. God bless the people who choose to care for such a child, but we have neither the training, resources, or inclination for such a task.
SO I turned to international adoption. First I wasted much time and some more money with Chinese adoption. Since we wanted a little girl, and since the Chinese throw their little girl babies away, it seemed like a natural fit. But the Chinese program has a waiting period of over two years. By the time a child came available I would already be too old for their program. The company I was working through did not tell me this until I had wasted nearly six months.
Next I decided to go through the Ukraine. The Ukraine program seemed very promising. but now we have hit a roadblock. The Ukraine would use our state of Texas home study but both they, and the US government required a copy of the license of the person who prepared the home-study. The state had contracted that job out to a private LPC. That person now, is no where to be found, I cannot seem to contact her. In addition, my wife has had some more health issues and I am now approaching fifty years old. I am unhopeful, and depressed.
It is not in my nature to look to others, but I wish there had been someone, anyone who could have guided me, early on, and told me what to expect. It has been a nightmare so far.
reprinted on my web site Impudent Domain
Its the greatest gift you can give a child after the gift of life.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777
We adopted our first child from China a few years ago. It took about 16 months from the time we started until we welcomed her into our family. About a year after that we decided to go for our second. We were hoping we could travel to get her this fall, but it is looking more like early next year. If that is the case, then it will have taken us somewhat more than two years after we had been approved. We were lucky because we were approved before the Chinese government adoption agency tightened up their qualifications. Even with the new restrictions the wait time is still increasing. With the Chinese economy improving there are fewer children available and more of them are being adopted domestically.
Have you looked into the special needs or waiting child programs for Chinese adoption? Special needs is not as scary as it sounds. You can still specify what you are willing to accept or not. Some of the children have problems that can be corrected by minor or routine surgery. Waiting children are those who are slightly older, probably more than one or two but under the six years that is your goal. Both special needs and waiting children adoption are quicker.
God bless you and your wife.
I have a friend who got through the adoption process fairly rapidly, but she was specifically interested in adopting a special needs child. I'm afraid I have no direct experience with which to advise you, but have you considered the possibility of trying to contact a Christian pregnancy crisis counseling center? Most of them are opposed to abortion and try to provide other options for pregnant women. Perhaps they could help you to arrange a private abortion. Also, I know that in at least some states the Catholic church is involved in adoptions. I don't know if they only arrange adoptions for Catholic families (and whether you would qualify or not), but that might be another possibility to look into.
Sorry if I'm restating the obvious and you've looked into all of this before. Despite the fact that God has now blessed me with three children, I can understand some of what you're going through. I married quite late in life and before I met my husband, I had become convinced that I was never going to be able to have a family. I pray God will still bring the blessing of children into your home. Best wishes!
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"'You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve,' said Aslan. 'And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor on earth. Be content.'" -- C.S. Lewis' "Prince Caspian"
I know a two couples that ultimately had success with private placements, but that route is expensive and not without its pitfalls.
It seems like common sense that our society should actively encourage adoption as a viable alternative to abortion or single parenthood. Streamlining the bureaucracy and giving active assistance to adoptive parents would be a logical place to start.
And I'll say this for the Mormons: they actively promote adoption as a choice thru their radio & TV PSAs. We need more organizations to follow their lead.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. - Frank Zappa